50 Instagram DM Conversation Starters for Stories, Crushes, Creators and Old Friends
Yurii Rebryk · Updated October 30, 2026 · 14 min read
The best Instagram DM conversation starters reply to something the person just shared, usually a Story, and ask one easy question about it: “That market in your Story looks great. Where is it?” Below are 50 starters by situation (Story replies, crushes, creators, small businesses, networking, old friends), each with a follow-up, plus what Instagram does with a first message from a stranger.
In this article
- How to start a conversation on Instagram DM
- How Instagram DMs work: requests, Story replies, Seen and Notes
- Story reply conversation starters
- DM starters for a post or Reel you liked
- Instagram DM starters from shared interests and mutual friends
- How to DM your crush on Instagram (friendly, no pressure)
- What to DM a creator or artist you follow
- How to DM a small business or brand on Instagram
- Professional networking DMs on Instagram
- How to reconnect with an old friend on Instagram
- What to send when an Instagram DM goes quiet or you’re left on Seen
- How to move from Instagram DMs to a call or meetup
- What not to send in an Instagram DM
- How to reply to a DM and keep the conversation going
- Casual DM English: abbreviations, tone and “slide into the DMs”
- Instagram DM safety: restrict, block and report
- Instagram DM conversation examples to practice out loud
How to start a conversation on Instagram DM
Start an Instagram DM by reacting to one specific thing the person shared recently, then ask a question they can answer in one sentence:
- Pick something recent. A Story from today beats a photo from three years ago, which shows you scrolled a long way.
- Name the detail. “The bookshop in your Story” gives them something to answer; “nice pic” does not.
- Ask one easy question. “Where is that?” can be answered from a bus seat; three questions feel like a form.
- Keep it to one or two lines. A one-word reply may just mean they are busy.
Plan your second message too: in a 2017 Harvard study of live conversations, people who asked more questions, particularly follow-up questions, were better liked, and speed daters who asked more follow-ups were more likely to get a yes to a second date.
How Instagram DMs work: requests, Story replies, Seen and Notes
Instagram handles a first message from a stranger differently, so where your opener lands decides when it is seen. From the Instagram Help Center (checked October 2026):
| Feature | What Instagram’s Help Center says | What it means for you |
|---|---|---|
| Message requests | A DM to someone who doesn’t follow you or isn’t connected to you arrives as a request and can only contain text until they accept | Send a sentence, not a meme or a voice note |
| Requests folder | Requests must be accepted before they appear in Chats | No answer for days is not yet a “no” |
| Story replies | Anyone who can see a Story can reply by default; after 24 hours (unless saved as a highlight) the Story photo or video leaves the chat, but your text stays | “Your sunset in Negril looks unreal” still makes sense next week |
| Seen | Read receipts can be turned off for one chat or for all chats | No “Seen” proves nothing either way |
| Notes | A note (up to 60 characters) sits at the top of the inbox for up to 24 hours; a reply to it is sent as a DM | A note like “need a good book” invites a reply |
| Computer | At instagram.com you click Messages on the left | DMs work without the app |
Don’t count on a Story reply skipping the Requests folder: it is sent as a message, messages from people someone doesn’t follow may appear as requests, and the Help Center lists no Story-reply exception. Its real advantage is context.
Story reply conversation starters
A Story reply is the most natural Instagram DM opener, because the person just chose to share that moment. React to one detail and ask about it; an emoji alone gives them nothing to answer.
| Starter | Follow-up | When it works |
|---|---|---|
| 1. That sunset looks unreal. Where were you? | Do you go there often? | Beach and travel Stories |
| 2. Okay, what is that dish? It looks amazing. | Is the place worth the trip? | Food Stories |
| 3. Is that the new café on King Street? How is it? | What should I order first? | Places in your city |
| 4. Wait, you were at the concert too? How was it? | Which song was best live? | Events you also went to |
| 5. 🔥 That climb looks hard. How long did it take? | How did you get into climbing? | Sport Stories: emoji plus a question |
| 6. Your dog has the best face. What’s their name? | How old are they? | Pet Stories, safe with anyone |
| 7. That book is on my list. Is it worth it? | What else are you reading? | Books, films, songs |
DM starters for a post or Reel you liked
A post stays on the profile, so a DM about it can come days later. Sharing a Reel suits people who already chat with you, because a first request can only be text. For Snapchat, see Snapchat conversation starters.
| Starter | Follow-up | When it works |
|---|---|---|
| 8. Your Lisbon photos made me want to book a flight. Favorite street? | How many days would you need? | Travel posts |
| 9. How did you make the cake in your last post? | Do you bake every week? | Cooking and craft posts |
| 10. This Reel made me laugh out loud. Did you film it yourself? | Where did the idea come from? | Funny Reels |
| 11. Where did you get the jacket in your last post? | Is the shop online? | Style posts: the item, not their body |
| 12. Saw this Reel and thought of you. Is this your week too? | Which part is most true? | Friends who follow you back |
Instagram DM starters from shared interests and mutual friends
A mutual friend or a shared interest answers a stranger’s first question: why is this person writing to me? Say how you found them in the first line.
| Starter | Follow-up | When it works |
|---|---|---|
| 13. Hi! I found you through Maya’s beach clean-up photos. Were you there too? | How did you get involved? | Mutual friends: name the friend |
| 14. We both follow the same run club. Do you go on Saturdays? | How long have you been running? | Clubs and gyms |
| 15. Are you in the Tuesday evening English class too? | How are you finding it? | Classmates; say hi in person too |
| 16. Your football edits are so good. Who’s your team this season? | Did you watch the last match? | Sports fans |
| 17. Random question from a fellow K-drama fan: what should I watch next? | What made you love that one? | Fan and hobby pages |
How to DM your crush on Instagram (friendly, no pressure)
A first DM to a crush should be a normal friendly message, not a confession. Compliment choices (music, style, a photo they took), not their body, and say hi in person when you see them. For dating apps, see Tinder conversation starters.
| Starter | Follow-up | When it works |
|---|---|---|
| 18. The song in your Story is so good. What else are you listening to? | Any concert you want to see? | A crush who posts music |
| 19. Important question: beach day or mountain hike? | Where’s your favorite spot? | A few messages in |
| 20. Two truths and a lie: I’ve run a half marathon, met a famous singer, never seen snow. Guess? | Your turn! | A chat that is already going |
| 21. You always find the best food spots. Where should I go this weekend? | Have you been yourself? | Asking for a recommendation |
| 22. I think you’d like this song. Have you heard it? | What did you think? | Someone who already replies |
| 23. Not gonna lie, I wanted to talk more at the party. How was the rest of your night? | Who else did you know there? | Someone you met once |
What to DM a creator or artist you follow
Creators get many messages. Instagram’s professional inbox has three folders (Primary, General and Requests); General sends no notifications by default, and requests aren’t marked as seen until accepted. One specific thing you liked plus one question is quick to answer.
| Starter | Follow-up | When it works |
|---|---|---|
| 24. Your bike repair video saved me a trip to the shop. What tool should a beginner buy first? | Will you cover brakes next? | Tutorial creators: say what you did |
| 25. I’ve played your new track all week. What inspired the second verse? | Any shows coming up? | Musicians |
| 26. Your painting of the market is beautiful. Do you sell prints? | Do you ship to Jamaica? | Artists: ask about buying, not free work |
| 27. I made your 15-minute dinner and my family loved it. Can I use tofu instead of chicken? | Thanks! I’ll tag you next time. | Food creators |
| 28. Would you be open to a joint live about street food? I can do the planning. | What dates work for you? | A collab: say what you bring |
How to DM a small business or brand on Instagram
A DM to a small business is a customer question: say what you want, when and where. Some business accounts show up to four ready questions in a new chat; tapping one sends a message request, and the reply may be automated.
| Starter | Follow-up | When it works |
|---|---|---|
| 29. Hi! Is the blue dress in your last post still available in medium? | How long is delivery to Montego Bay? | Shops that sell through posts |
| 30. Hi, I’d like a birthday cake for Saturday. Do you have space? | What flavors do you have? | Anything made to order |
| 31. Do you take bookings for Friday? We are four people. | Anything vegetarian on the menu? | Restaurants and salons |
| 32. I bought your vanilla candle last month and love it. Will it come back? | Can you message me when it’s back? | Repeat customers |
| 33. Hi, my order #1042 hasn’t arrived. Could you check it? | Is there a tracking number? | Order problems: include the number |
Before paying a seller, open their profile and check About this account (when it was created, its country, former usernames). Instagram’s scam guide warns about sellers who push you to another app or ask for cryptocurrency.
Professional networking DMs on Instagram
A networking DM is a tiny polite email: who you are, why them, one small ask. Ask for advice, not a job. For the meetings that follow, see the business English conversation guide.
| Starter | Follow-up | When it works |
|---|---|---|
| 34. Hi Sara, I loved your Design Week talk. Could I ask one question about portfolios? | What do you look at first? | People who share their work publicly |
| 35. Your post about moving from teaching to UX was so useful. How long did the change take? | What would you do differently? | Career changers |
| 36. I’m new to event photography. Which camera did you start with? | Would you still buy it today? | People a step ahead of you |
| 37. We met at the job fair on Saturday. Thanks again for the advice about internships! | Can I send my CV when applications open? | Someone you met in person |
| 38. Congratulations on the new role! What will you be working on? | How are the first weeks going? | Contacts who posted news |
How to reconnect with an old friend on Instagram
Reconnecting needs one line about the past and one question about now; a long apology for years of silence makes replying harder. More openers: conversation starters at reunions.
| Starter | Follow-up | When it works |
|---|---|---|
| 39. Your graduation photo took me back to Mr. Clarke’s class. How are you these days? | Still in touch with anyone from school? | Old school friends |
| 40. Congratulations on the baby! How are you all doing? | Are you getting any sleep? | Big news they posted |
| 41. This song came on and I thought of our trip to Ocho Rios. How have you been? | Do you still have that playlist? | A shared memory |
| 42. Hey stranger! I’m in Toronto next month. Any chance you’re around? | Coffee on Saturday? | Friends in another city |
What to send when an Instagram DM goes quiet or you’re left on Seen
When a chat goes quiet, wait a day or two, then send one new, light message that doesn’t mention the silence; if that also gets no reply, stop. More scripts in what to say after being left on read.
| Starter | Follow-up | When it works |
|---|---|---|
| 43. I finally tried the café you told me about. You were right about the cake. | Any other place I should try? | A chat that faded after a tip |
| 44. Random question: did you ever finish that series? | No spoilers, but is the ending good? | Something they mentioned |
| 45. No need to reply, just good luck with the exam this week! | How did it go? (only if they answer) | A zero-pressure check-in |
| 46. How did your interview go last week? I kept meaning to ask. | What’s the next step? | News they shared earlier |
How to move from Instagram DMs to a call or meetup
Suggest a call or meetup after a few easy messages, with room to say no. Anyone whose message you accepted can call you from the chat (audio or video, up to 8 people). Meet someone new in a public place and tell a friend where you are going.
| Starter | Follow-up | When it works |
|---|---|---|
| 47. This is getting long for texting. Quick call later? | Is 7 pm okay? | After a good chat |
| 48. We should check out that market together. Free Saturday morning? | Meet at the entrance at ten? | A few chats in; a public place |
| 49. Our study group meets at the library on Thursdays. Want to join? | I’ll send you the room number. | Classmates: a group plan feels lighter |
| 50. I’d love to hear more over coffee. No pressure if this week is busy. | If yes: Saturday or Sunday? | When the chat is going well |
What not to send in an Instagram DM
Skip messages that give the other person nothing to answer or ask for too much too soon:
| Don’t send | Why it fails | Send instead |
|---|---|---|
| “Hey” on its own | Nothing to answer | A detail plus a question (starters 1–7) |
| Compliments on looks only | Says you only saw the photos; from a stranger it feels like pressure | Praise a choice they made (starter 18) |
| Sexual jokes or explicit photos | Unwanted, reportable, and screenshots spread | A normal question about their post |
| One message pasted to many people | Fits no one, and requests that look like spam can land in a Spam folder | One message for one person |
| A sales pitch first | Nobody asked, so the chat ends | Talk about their work first (starter 28) |
| Twenty likes on old posts | Looks like you scrolled through years | One reply to something recent |
| Three messages with no answer | Turns a pause into pressure | One follow-up, then stop (starters 43–46) |
How to reply to a DM and keep the conversation going
Reply to what they said before asking something new: react, add one thing about you, then ask a follow-up. When someone DMs you, answer with words, not just a heart. Holding a message lets you react or reply to that exact message.
| They write | Dead-end reply | Reply that keeps it going |
|---|---|---|
| “It’s a café in Old Harbour, my cousin owns it.” | “Cool.” | “Your cousin? What’s the best thing on the menu?” |
| “Yeah, I finished the series last night.” | “Nice.” | “Same! Did the ending surprise you?” |
| “Haha thanks.” (after a compliment) | Another compliment | “Did you take that photo yourself?” |
Casual DM English: abbreviations, tone and “slide into the DMs”
DM (/ˌdiːˈem/) means direct message, “a private message sent on a social media website, that only the person it is sent to can see” (Cambridge); as a verb: “DM me.” To slide into someone’s DMs is slang for messaging them “slickly and coolly, often for romantic purposes” (Dictionary.com). Common DM abbreviations:
| Abbreviation | Meaning | In a DM |
|---|---|---|
| lol | laughing out loud | “lol your dog is so dramatic” |
| tbh | to be honest | “tbh your photos made me want to visit” |
| ngl | not gonna lie | “ngl that cake looks better than mine” |
| idk | I don’t know | “idk, maybe Saturday?” |
| wyd | what (are) you doing? | “wyd this weekend?” |
| hmu | hit me up: contact me | “hmu if you want to go” |
| irl | in real life | “we should meet irl sometime” |
Punctuation changes tone. A 2016 Binghamton University study found that text messages ending with a period are seen as less sincere than messages without one, so “sure.” can read colder than “sure”. A full, clear sentence is always fine, especially with someone new. More in internet abbreviations for texting.
Instagram DM safety: restrict, block and report
You never owe anyone a reply. If a DM makes you uncomfortable, use these tools:
| Tool | What it does |
|---|---|
| Restrict | They can’t see when you’re online or whether you’ve read their messages; the chat moves to Message Requests |
| Block | They aren’t notified; you can also block other accounts they have or create, and blocked accounts can’t send you requests |
| Report | Hold the message and tap Report; reports are anonymous, and Instagram reviews up to 30 recent messages in a reported chat |
| Hidden Words | Moves requests that may contain scams or offensive words to a Spam folder; off by default, on automatically for Teen Accounts |
Teen Accounts (ages 13–17) are set by default to get messages only from accounts the teen follows or has connected with. Instagram’s scam guide flags strangers asking for money, a fast romance followed by a request for money, and anyone pushing you to move the chat off Instagram.
If someone threatens to share private images: don’t pay. The FBI says offenders often release the images whether or not they are paid; in the US, call 1-800-CALL-FBI or report at tips.fbi.gov; elsewhere, contact local police. Take It Down (images taken before you were 18) and StopNCII (adults) are free tools that help participating platforms remove them.
Instagram DM conversation examples to practice out loud
Each chat ends with a plan or a call. Play the partner’s line, say yours, then swap roles.
1. A Story reply that turns into a plan
A Story reply that turns into a plan
B1- Leo
That market in your Story looks amazing. Where is it?
- Nia
Thanks! It’s the Saturday farmers’ market near the park.
- Leo
No way, I live ten minutes from there. What should I buy first?
- Nia
The mango juice. And the coconut bread, if there’s any left.
- Leo
I’m going this Saturday with my sister. Want to meet there and show us around?
- Nia
Haha, sure. The entrance at ten?
- Leo
Perfect. See you Saturday!
Practise this dialogue
Listen to the whole exchange, then take one role: your partner’s lines are read aloud, you say yours into the microphone and see which words came through.
2. A networking DM that turns into a call
A networking DM that turns into a call
B1–B2- Amir
Hi Grace, I loved your post about your first portfolio. Could I ask one quick question?
- Grace
Of course, go ahead.
- Amir
How many projects did you show for your first job?
- Grace
Four. Show how you worked, not only the final screens.
- Amir
That’s really helpful. Would you have ten minutes for a call next week?
- Grace
Sure. Thursday after five works.
- Amir
Thursday at five-thirty, then. I’ll call you here on Instagram.
Practise this dialogue
Listen to the whole exchange, then take one role: your partner’s lines are read aloud, you say yours into the microphone and see which words came through.
3. Reconnecting with an old friend
Reconnecting with an old friend
A2–B1- Kemar
Hey stranger! I just saw your graduation photos. Congratulations!
- Dani
Kemar! Thank you! It’s been so long. How are you?
- Kemar
Good, busy with work. Are you still in Toronto?
- Dani
Yes, but I’m coming home in December.
- Kemar
We have to meet up! A video call this weekend to catch up first?
- Dani
Yes! Sunday afternoon?
- Kemar
Sunday it is. Talk soon!
Practise this dialogue
Listen to the whole exchange, then take one role: your partner’s lines are read aloud, you say yours into the microphone and see which words came through.
Practice the call that comes after the DM
A good DM chat can turn into a call, where you answer at speaking speed. Fluently is an AI speaking coach on iOS and Android: you answer out loud and get feedback on pronunciation, fluency, vocabulary and grammar. The download is free and starts with a free four-minute speaking assessment; full practice is a subscription after a free trial.
Frequently asked questions
What are 5 good conversation starters?
“What’s the best thing that happened this week?”, “What are you looking forward to?”, “What are you into right now?”, “Where’s the best place you’ve eaten lately?” and “What would you do with a free Saturday?”. More in the conversation question generator.
What should I DM a girl (or a guy) on Instagram?
The same as with anyone: a short reply to something they posted recently and one easy question about it. Skip comments on their body and pickup lines.
How do you randomly start a conversation on Instagram?
Say how you found them (a mutual friend, a club, a hashtag) and what made you write. With no shared context, a thoughtful comment on a post first makes your DM feel less random.
Should I follow someone before I DM them on Instagram?
It doesn’t change where your message lands; what matters is whether they follow you. If they don’t and you aren’t already connected, your DM arrives as a text-only request.
What should I reply when someone reacts to my Story with an emoji?
A line and a question: after a 🔥 on your gym Story, “Haha thanks! Do you train too?”. A heart back gives them nothing to reply to.
